Madonna kicked off the U.S. leg of her ‘Sticky and Sweet’ tour the other day in New Jersey, and during the concert went off on vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. I’ve transcribed from the video exactly what she said, in context:
I’m working my fucking ass off over here. Okay? That’s right, keep that clapping going. My ego needs it right now. Okay? I said ‘Are you guys having a good time?’ When I’m feeling insecure I repeat myself. Are you having a good time? Alright. Now this is the part of the show, wait a minute, wait a minute, it’s all coming to me. You guys, you guys have come to my party. Yeah! Thank you for coming to my party. You know who’s not invited to my party? Sarah fucking Palin. Okay? She’s not invited to the show. Sarah Palin has to go! She’s not invited to any show! Now get that bitch out of here. Alright? Nothing personal. Okay? I love her soul. But she’s got to stop [unintelligible], it’s freaking me out. Right? Now.
This is the response I’ve prepared from Sarah Palin on her behalf. I hope she uses it.
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Dear Madonna,
As someone who recently arrived fresh to the world stage, I must thank you for your welcome the other night at your “party” in New Jersey. As an older woman – aren’t you over 50 now? – you have much to teach a younger lass like me about how to exude class and poise in public, and your concert the other night was, clearly, a perfect example.
I did detect some hostility, however. I understand it must be difficult being an unimaginative, hackneyed, whinging, dried-up hag, but you are wrong to imply that your opinion of me is consequential. I can only assume you don’t concur with my vision for America and would vote for Obama/Biden rather than McCain/myself on that basis. That is coherent. What makes less sense, cerebrally, is your assertion on that basis that I am a “bitch.” Have we met? I don’t recall, although I am fairly certain that meeting a veteran of your caliber and experience would have changed my life had it occurred.
After all, you have accomplished so much in political terms. I see that your tour uses a video clip depicting global warming. Wow! For a broad who once asked David Letterman to sniff your knickers, you’ve become very serious about the issues which matter. That is, except for one thing. Perhaps it has escaped your attention that you are showing this video about global warming to audiences that burn shitloads of fossil fuel to get to your clusterfuck in the first place? So far, a million sad people have attended the first leg of your tour. Who do you think is causing more harm to the environment, douchebag, me or you? Of course – you said it yourself – your ego demands much, so it’s all worth it. And the funniest part is that they’ll all go home at the end of the night screwed out of a couple of hundred dollars and feeling great about themselves having done so. Congratulations!
Regarding my attending your “party.” I could, anytime I like, buy a ticket and show up. But I’ll be honest: I wouldn’t be seen at one of your worn-out, hack-pack, past-tense, lowbrow, trashy, hollow performances even if you apologized for calling me a bitch, changed your mind, dropped that fake English accent, put on some clothes and held a campaign stop for me. I couldn’t handle your disgusting, decrepit face next to mine; it would be bad for the ticket. It would be like beauty and the beast. And to hear you sing ‘Like a Prayer’ for the twentieth year running may just make me vomit. No thanks. And I have to admit, to hear you say that I’m not “invited” made me smile. Are you eight years old?
As someone who moved away to England years ago and uses America only for the very capitalist goal of making your millions, I hope you thank them for it, you blistering old c*** of a woman.
Yours sincerely,
Governor Sarah Palin
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