Many have heard by now the story of Iggy. Iggy is a puppy who was adopted by daytime talk show host Ellen Degeneres. After finding that the dog didn’t get along with her cats, Ellen gave Iggy to her hairdresser whose two daughters fell in love with him. Apparently Ellen signed a contract which obliged her to bring the dog back to the agency if things didn’t work out, so, when the agency discovered that Iggy had been given to a third party they took the dog away. A spokesman for Mutts & Moms, the adoption agency, says they “…won’t be bullied around by the Ellen Degenereses of the world.” Ellen tells the story of Iggy in this video clip from her talk show yesterday. I’ve written this open letter to the agency:

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Dear Mutts & Moms,

Congratulations! You’ve been able to rescue a puppy from the cruelty of the family home of a hairdresser and her two little girls and bring him where he belongs: a cage at your shelter. If only more animal lovers were able to show this kind of care for the welfare of a helpless puppy.

All these puppies want and need is a sanitary shelter, so I thank God for people like you who show enough concern to take them out of the terror of a warm and comfortable home environment where little girls are bothering them with love and affection, and return them to a sterile and suitable cage where they belong. How can I donate to the cause?

As we all know, there are all sorts of dangers in the possibility of a dog finding the wrong kind of warm, loving, family home. There are germs, for a start. There are usually no piping hot hoses available with which to help disinfect the place. In most cases, people are not aware that dogs require food to eat or water to drink. (Perhaps this is why so few people own dogs which are still alive?) Often, these people will become devoted and attached to the creatures too, which is unnatural, for a start, and certainly not what we should be looking for in a suitable home.

So I congratulate Mutts & Moms for its commitment to removing dogs from these terrible caring homes in favour of their being returned to a properly functional shelter cage. When I think of how you and the local police showed up on their doorstep, like the cavalry, and repossessed the animal from the hands of those awful little girls and their doting antics, it reminds me of the importance of donating to animal shelters.

Thank you for your dedication to the happiness of animals everywhere.

Yours sincerely,

John Wright